A Minor Bump in the Road

 “The position's already been filled,” Clark tells me, and as cheesy as it sounds, my heart sinks. It's as if he looked straight into my eyes and told me, 'I don't give a shit if you exist.'

I wish I were better at saying what I mean at the right time. I followed up and said, “I didn't even know you were hiring when I dropped off my CV,” and left out, “But I was really keen to work here,” with emphasis on the word here, which I later thought to say as I was walking down the street. Maybe then he would remember me as the girl who really wanted to work at Speight's Ale House. Now he'll remember me as the girl he didn't care existed, if he remembers me at all. I went in to ask him for an interview for the position the evening before, and he said to come back around 4pm, but apparently hired someone within that time, or had an idea of who he wanted to hire, but had me come back anyway. Maybe he just didn't want to hire me. I just hope that their delicious porter doesn't have a foul taste when I go back to drink it; that would probably be the greatest tragedy of all.

Though, having the feeling that people don't care you exist is always disheartening. That's why I absolutely love my life in Park City. It really didn't take long for me to feel at home there, and maybe I'm still in that stage in Queenstown. Maybe after I invest the time I'll feel I have to come back; maybe Queenstown is the kind of place that's difficult to make work for just a short time. It's not that no one gives a shit that I exist – I'm here, after all, because my friends are here. Again, I can't help but wonder if I'm doomed to be a full time ski instructor this season!

It's hard not to ponder the alternatives to staying in Queenstown the season after being rejected from the only place that I knew had an intent to hire. Every other restaurant is well-staffed, and I suppose I just wasn't in the right places at the right times. Maybe I should have been out at the bars meeting every Tom, Dick, and Harry from Queenstown from day one. Still, it seems ludicrous the amount of time and work I am putting into trying to work, or even trying to work for free, since they didn't even need any more volunteers for Winter Fest!

Sometimes I feel like such a 16-year old here. I drive either like a 16-year old or an old man, either slowly and carefully, or making weird U-turns and such. I'm competing with hundreds of kids for jobs I'm over-qualified for which would make next to no money. I believe $15 an hour here is a decent wage, and while that's still about $11USD an hour, better than a lot of our hourly wages, food and other basic needs are far more expensive.

As I said, it's hard not to think about leaving. It's hard not to think about staying another month, enjoying the nightlife and meeting people, skiing and snowboarding whenever I want, cooking whatever I like to eat, whenever I want to eat it, losing weight by not having the stress of working, and being able to hike and workout whenever I want, being able to fly back to go to Clair's wedding in August, and living for free at home. I could see Emily in NJ, or stay with Aunt Sandy and go to the beach every day, or sail on Meg's boat! Is this situation kind of like when I was at UCSD, where I was determined to stay and stick it out just on principle even though it just didn't make sense? I'd feel... kind of like a failure I suppose, and I hate that feeling. I don't think anyone from home would feel that way about me, but I think it would haunt me internally.

The other thing about flying back to the US that would trouble me is where I would work until winter. Working at a restaurant in Albany would just be depressing, and it would be too late to get something in Saratoga; I could go back to Blue Iguana in Park City, or maybe even go back to Schiff to be able to pay off all my bills from this trip! The trouble is, I doubt I'd really be all that better off financially if I went back. It would just be more vacation in a different location.

Ugh, I sort of hate having this struggle with myself. It would be such a waste of a work visa if I went back. I can work wherever I want and I like that freedom. If I came back I would have to be sponsored for somewhere specifically. I think I am just going to relax, in an irresponsible 'eh, whatever' kind of way, do what I want when I want, and enjoy this crazy town and their festival, ski their mountains, and enjoy my excellent exchange rate!